Nightmares

My sister has breast cancer and just three days ago, on Valentines day, she had a mastectomy. That was the worst weekend in my life since my mother passed away 10 years ago. I couldn't eat and I couldn't sleep since I got the news two days before her operation that she has the Big-C. I love my sister very much. She's like my second mother and she became more protective and more supportive of me when my mother passed away. Being the youngest in my family, I am used to the regular pampering. With my sister, however, she makes the pampering more special. I don't know what I would do without her.

I am trying my best to function normally but it is extremely difficult. I want to be with her and take care of her in this difficult phase in her life. She's got no family of her own so we are her only family. I want to go home but she insisted that I remain here in New Zealand.

Last night, I had a terrible dream of her. I arrived home and there she was--already in a coffin and my dead mother was there and so was my father, my auntie, and her bestfriend who's taking her of her now. They were all crying. I was crying, too. It was really her that I saw in the coffin because I saw her face. Then, in the dream, after seeing her, I immediately went to our house and saw that it was empty. I was calling her name and asking her to let me see her alive--even her spirit. But there was no response. All I saw were pictures of her on the coffee table in the dining area. Then, I woke up feeling so heavy and depresssed. Another night has passed, another bad dream.