Holy Week Reflections

Ever since 2009 made its entrance, my life has been full of challenges--a few of them of my own doing. I have stumbled many times and regretted actions which I should not have done. Despite some wrong choices, God has been so kind to me. He still provides for my needs, showers me with blessings and sends good people to guide and help me. My only prayer is that next time I come face to face again with another trial, I'd be wiser and I would not commit the same mistakes of the past. I hope I will move forward in wisdom and grace and with my faith unshaken. I pray that each trial that I surpass will make me a better person. My friend, the one that has figured so significantly in my life lately, said that I am too nice and that I should loosen up a bit. I know what he means by that. I told him back that I don't mind being nice because I'm happy and comfortable with that. I hope that I'd be able to influence him with good values. I have chosen to remain friends with him despite what happened to us. It's no use being bitter about it or being angry with him because I let it happen. If there is something good that came out from that incident, it's the closeness, honesty and openness that we have for each other now. We talk things now more openly. We criticise each other and give pieces of advice. I have set the boundaries. I told him that we cannot do it again. I realise now that what we feel for each other is just friendship, and what happened then was just some physical desire that went out of control. Whatever physical longing that we had then has been extinguished. Yes, I care for him, but only as a friend. I can't feel anything beyond that, not because I don't want to, but because that's just it.

Lesson learned

I must admit I regretted what has happened. However, the unfinished business is done and it would just be a waste of time and energy to feel that way. All I can do is continue with my life. A while ago, while I was walking towards my flat, I couldn't help but lament over the wrong choices that I have made recently. Now I know that something that was built just on physical desire doesn't really last. But still I am glad that I was able to find myself again. As much as I can resist it, I will not do it again. Not without love on his part and mine. I will just wait until the 'right' person comes--someone who will really love, cherish and respect me. When that time comes and we do it, I know everything will be of much more value.