Christmas stress

I've been sick for several days now. It all started four days before Christmas. My throat began to hurt and I've been sneezing repeatedly that I already felt dizzy from being my head shaken many times. Fortunately, I've managed to survive Christmas day despite the fuzz. Prior to that, there were so many things to do like cleaning my father's house, preparing food for Christmas day, shopping for groceries, running errands, and attending to my father's requests every now and then. My two sisters have their own households to manage and since there's no one to look after my father's household, I would often be the one to stay with him and my auntie at Christmas and take charge of the preparations. When my mother was alive, she would take care of everything. Besides, both my father and auntie (my mother's youngest sister who is with us for more than 30 years now) are already old. We alway tell them to hire a household help but they refused to do so, reasoning out that they can do all the chores by themselves. But the condition of the house clearly shows that a helper is needed. It's full of dust and so disorganised. It's a house full of trash! He and my aunt also have this habit of keeping objects (like unused boxes, old perfume bottles, newspapers and magazines) which they no longer need. I spent hours dusting the shelves (which triggered my asthma) and throwing away trash. My father and aunt are also fond of raising animals like chicken and duck that take much of their energy and time as well. We have long told them to stop doing it but they said this little diversion of them brings them happiness so we just let them do what they want.

I really feel stressed spending Christmas in my father's home. But it's something that I also feel like doing each year. Partly because of obligation and partly because I feel it's the least that I can do for all the loving and the caring that they have done for me and my siblings through these years.

On Holiday Mode

Am back in my home country. Arrived here last Thursday evening. Prior to my departure from Auckland, as I packed my stuff, I can't help but to reminisce the past weeks and months, particularly my adjustment period in New Zealand. So many things have happened. It was a roller coaster ride of emotions. I have experienced intense sadness and longing as well as excitement and happiness. It's difficult to leave far from home, from familiar places and faces, from your support system. Leaving behind your comfort zone to tread a new territory, making new friends, adjusting to new cultures, getting used again to the pressures of academic life, trying out your skills in a foreign country where discrimination exists...all of these are bit and pieces of a whole new set of life that I have experienced and will continue to experience when I go back to New Zealand in late January. But I am happy that I am more adjusted now to my life there. It was not easy in the beginning but through prayers, patience and the help of family and friends (old and new), I was able to breeze through the entire process with grace. Truly, God is good. I look forward to this holiday season with much optimism. So many good things have happened this year to me, my family and my close friends. So many wonderful things to thank God for. My eldest sister got married to a wonderful man. My father and auntie are doing well. My sister is happily enjoying her single life. My best friend is gradually reaping the fruits of labor with her call center business. And her sister gave birth to a beautiful baby girl after several attempts to get pregnant. My close friend since college survived a major operation and is now recovering well. My other close friend got her dream house from her loving husband. I got the scholarship to study for a doctorate in New Zealand which is a very beautiful place. I am fortunate to have a very competent supervisor who is very supportive of me. I have found new friends in New Zealand and renewed ties with old ones whom I haven't seen for a long time. I have said my peace with a loved one whom I have hurt in the past. I have begun to make friends with people who have unintentionally hurt me before. Life has been good to me and I look forward to the coming year with so much hope. I feel at peace. Life is full uncertainties but I entrust God with tomorrow.

Anxieties

It's been more than a week since my last post. I realised only this morning that I have overlooked my online journal for a while. Partly because I was busy, and partly because I felt there's nothing new to write about. Then I suddenly felt the urge to go back writing my thoughts in the hope that I could be freed somehow from some anxieties that are bugging me.

In two months I am coming back home to spend the holiday season. But before that, there's so much things to do. I need to prepare at least two papers for two separate conferences but to do that, I have to come up first with concept ideas. This may sound easy but in reality it is not. Then, I have to start drafting the methodology section of my thesis proposal. Since I am turning six months here in November, I also have to submit that proposal to give my supervisors ample time for review. So that's the work aspect of my anxiety.

The other aspect is in the emotions department. Too personal to write here but my closest friends know about it. And I am so glad they are around to give me pieces of advice and keep me sane. In this crazy world, it really helps to have true, meaning friends. We are separated by distance but I never felt closer to them until now.

Watching an opera for the first time

Last night was quite memorable for me and my friend because we watched an opera for the first time. One of the actors is a good friend of ours so he kindheartedly subsidised our tickets so we could watch the show. Actually, part of the thrill was not only going to the opera but also watching our friend perform. Although he's not among the lead actors, he's the lone Asian in the group--the rest are all Caucasians--so we're really proud of him. He's really a talented person. I've heard him sing before--first was when we had a videoke session in Wellington in the house of his host family there. Second was when we climbed Mt. Rangitoto. He wants to hide his singing prowess actually--because he's a very private person--so only a handful knew and I'm one of the privileged few whom he entrusted his wonderful "secret".

Now about the opera, it was really fastastic. The entire opera was in Czech but there were TV monitors showing the surtitles (translation). The story is about a girl named Jenufa who was so desperately in love with an irresponsible man named Steva, hence Jenufa's mother (the kostelnicka) highly disapproved of Jenufa's longing for Steva. Steva also did not love truly Jenufa. It was Steva's half-brother, Laca, who loved Jenufa with all his heart. But Jenufa had a very big problem. She was carrying Steva's child and Steva did not want to marry her. To save the family from disgrace, the kostelnicka hid Jenufa until she gave birth. And to conceal the entire thing, the kostelnicka killed Jenufa's baby by leaving him to freeze in the snow. When Jenufa awakened, she found her baby gone and that her mother locked her in the house. When the kostelnicka returned, she told Jenufa that her baby died so Jenufa was devastated. Laca returned and professed his undying love for Jenufa. Jenufa wanted a fresh start so he finally accepted Laca and the kostelnicka gave them her blessing. Their short moment of bliss was interrupted by the news that one of the villagers found Jenufa's lifeless baby in the snow. The villagers then accused Jenufa of killing her baby. To save Jenufa from the villagers' contempt, the kostelnicka confessed her sins. At first, Jenufa couldn't forgive her mother, but in the end, her love for her prevailed and she learned to forgive her. I don't know how accurate my account of the opera's plot was but this was how I understood it. : )

I never thought I would enjoy the whole experience for two reasons. One, it was not an ordinary play. It was an opera and I'm not used to it. Two, the opera was not in English, hence the language barrier (but thanks for surtitles, we managed to comprehend what the singers were saying). Nevertheless, everything turned out to be an enjoyable experience.

Windfall

Last Saturday, I got the surprise of my life when I opened my mailbox and saw a cheque in my name worth $320. It was from the Auckland Electricity Community Trust. Sort of a dividend from paying the electric bills. The brochure on the AECT that's enclosed in the envelope with the cheque says the dividend is our "annual return on the Trust's assets which are held in trust for the benefit of the people living within the old Auckland Electric Power Board area." I've been living in this place for only four months and been paying an average of $25 monthly for my electricity comsumption and I received $320 or more than three times what I have paid in the last four months. When I told my friends about it, they were kind of envious because they did not receive any dividends. This is because they live in a university-owned accommodation where electricity is included in their monthly rent, unlike me who's renting a private flat and paying a separate fee for electricity consumption on top of my monthly rent. Their dividends, I suppose, are being paid to the university. I am really amased by the system here. Giving dividends to consumers is not only rewarding them for the service that they have purchased but also giving back to them their money. Think about that! There's nothing like this in my home country. There, the consumers are often at the mercy of the producers and service providers. When the prices of raw materials increase, they just pass on the burden to the consumers. In Japan where I lived for two years, I've also not experienced receiving "rewards" like this. Little by little, I am beginning to understand how really it's like to live in a welfare state. I remember my Japanese supervisor. He would always marvel about NZ being a welfare state--from "cradle to grave".

Some thoughts

I had an enlightening talk yesterday with my supervisor as we went over my proposal for a research grant. I do need that grant to be able to conduct my field work next year and I hope I'd get it. I was thankful of the way she tried to interrogate me so I'd be able to answer the questions that have been bugging me for weeks now. She also apologised for not giving me enough time as she's very occupied these days. I hope the good relationship that I have with her will continue. A supervisor is more than a thesis advisor. She's also a mentor, confidante and at times, even a parent. This university isn't my first choice. It's really an Australian university where I want to go. I also got an admission there but because the scholarship being offered to me is only tuition fee remission, I declined going there. I chose to come here instead. I suppose this is where God really wants me to go. And I think I got a really good deal here. For one thing, I have a supportive supervisor and for a research student like me, it means a lot. I am also beginning now to appreciate the beauty of this place. No wonder, people who have been here no longer want to leave. As for me, it's too early to tell. I'm not even contemplating of living here for good. I've just started my journey. I still have a long way to go. I will cross the bridge when I get there.

A wonderful weekend

I had a really wonderful weekend. Yesterday, my friends and I were at Orakei Marae, an area here in Auckland owned by Maoris. We visited their place and received a short, but informative, orientation to their culture. Several elders of the Maori tribe in that area, including their families (even their children) were there to welcome us. About 50 guests came. There were 20 of us from the university. One of the most interesting (read: entertaining) parts of the visit was doing the "hongi", or the gentle pressing/rubbing of noses. Apart from being a traditional form of welcome in Maori culture, it also symbolises the mingling of the breath or spirit between two people and thus represents unity. The Maori group that welcomed us yesterday was made up of about 20 or so people. Each of us performed the "hongi" to each of them so imagine how many people they rubbed noses with yesterday!

The scenery was really fantastic. We had so much fun taking pictures and exchanging stories while strolling around the park. I also met a Japanese girl who incidentally originates from the same place as my host family in Japan. It was great to speak again in Japanese--even short phrases that I could remember from the past. On our return to the city, I shopped for some gifts for my host family which I will request my new Japanese friend to give them when she travels to Japan this coming Thursday for a visit.

Then, this afternoon, I attended a birthday party at Cornwall Park which is at the foot of One Tree Hill, a volcanic cone. It's a big park with lots of flowers (even cherry blossom trees which are flowering right now but I think nothing can compare with the cherry blossoms in Japan in the spring) and trees. There's also a sheep farm and a cow farm. Since yesterday, we've been enjoying a really pleasant weather so going to parks here is really wonderful and extremely enjoyable.

Transnational social spaces

Transnational migrants experience multiple life-worlds. First-generation migrants carry with them the culture of their old country--their homeland. Since most of their socialisation started in the old country, the force of the old culture is stronger with them that with their sons and daughters who were born in the new country--the so-called second generation and those that come after them. The second generation and beyond form multiple life-worlds. Inside their homes, they are exposed to the old culture of their immigrant parents. Outside, they experience the culture of their parent's adoptive country, which they normally would treat as home, as it is their birth country. They form social spaces that accommodates both the old and the new.

"Old and new mentalities and practices overlap in a single space, and through migrants' linkages, both worlds overlap in communities of origin, too." (Christine Harzig and Dick Hoerder, 2006, in "Transnational Identities and Practices in Canada, edited by Vic Satzewich and Lloyd Wong, UBC Press).

A meaningful quote

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing. (It's) having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity."

- Gilda Radner -

Enjoying spring

To unwind a bit and clear my head of a thesis-related problem that's been bugging me for days now, I spent some time this afternoon walking around Albert Park which is very close to the university. The flowers are now in bloom and we have been experiencing fantastic weather since last week. The abundance of parks is one thing that I appreciate here in New Zealand. In Japan, there are plenty of parks, too, and I remember that in the spring, the parks there are teeming with people enjoying the "hanami" or the spring picnics under the cherry blossom trees. Spring is very beautiful in Japan because of the cherry blossoms. The New Zealand spring has its own charm, nevertheless. I haven't been to other parks this spring except Albert Park but for sure, there are many other beautiful things to see.

Overcoming fear

Only a few people knew this, not even my family, but I used to have a fear of walking on bridges and overpasses. It was only recently that I was able to overcome it. It was not really the structures that terrified me but walking on them while there were cars moving below. I would feel somewhat dizzy and disoriented, and highly nervous at the same time, as I have the feeling that the cars would run over me any time. It really takes me a lot of guts to walk on these types of structures. I remember experiencing an anxiety attack once when I was about to use the overpass in one of the shopping complexes in my country. I have just finished my shopping in a department store and needed to cross the street using the overpass to be able to go to the shops in the other side of the complex. It took me quite a while to cross. I was shaking. I really felt terrified. I waited until there were many people crossing to feel safe.

It was more than a month ago when I started attending mass in another church. I happen to like the songs being played in this church and its more simple atmosphere compared to that in the city cathedral. The mass time of 9:30 in the morning also suits my schedule more than the late morning schedule of 11 in the cathedral. The mid-morning mass in this church also happens to be the children's mass and I really find it enjoyable to watch kids entering the church with the priest in the opening march, as well as offering their gifts during the offertory. I also have had the wonderful opportunity to witness a baptism and at least two ceremonies for first communicants.

During the first three masses that I attended, I would walk more than one kilometer from my flat to reach the church. I didn't know yet the bus routes to that location so instead of taking a chance of being brought to the wrong destination, I just walked. There were a couple of times when the weather was not really good and it was really uncomfortable to walk. Part of the route was passing a bridge of about 300 meters. The first time I passed this bridge, I nearly froze, because it was not only high, I could see cars moving speedily below. But I had a mass to catch so what I did was walked fast and not to mind the moving cars. On my second Sunday, I also passed that bridge but unlike before, I tried to pace slowly and the experience wasn't that bad. On my next mass, I tried to enjoy the view. Then, today, when I walked again, I realised the tension is all gone. I have finally managed to conquer my fear. And I did not walk far this time because I found out that all the buses passing at the bus stop near my flat would pass that road. The bus would stop right before the bridge so I still would have the opportunity of walking on it and enjoying the experience.

Come to think of it, it was a church that served as an instrument to help me to overcome that fear. His ways are indeed mysterious! I also realised that as long as we have the courage to change the negative things in our life, we will succeed. We just have to believe in ourselves that anything is possible--with His guidance and unconditional love.

An erudite's advice

Yesterday, I attended a conference about career opportunities and the keynote speaker, a Chinese professor from the City University of Hongkong, offered a highly enlightening and engaging talk on "Developing an outstanding academic career over the life course." A part of his talk which really struck me is when he discussed the traits that an academician or a researcher should possess--using the teachings of Confucius as a guide. And these are universal guidelines that I believe apply to all, regardless of what your field is: Explore and understand. If you think you already know the reason, think that it's not the end of it. Don't think it is good enough. Turn it into a passion. Enjoy what you do. Be a child again.

I hope I'd be able to posses these traits in time.

A tap on my shoulder

This morning, when I walked to our communal kitchen here in the building to cook, I met a woman who happens to be from my country. At first, I was not sure, so I talked to her in English to say "hi" and upon noticing her accent, I switched to my native tongue. Lo and behold, we are indeed countrymates. She is the new cleaner, replacing the young Chinese girl whom I often meet in the kitchen and who would always ask what I am cooking and if I have any classes that day. She also happens to come from the same province where I was born--her city next to my town.

We were able to chat for a while while she was busy mopping the floor and I was peeling potatoes. Farrah told me she arrived only last April. Her husband works as an auto cad engineer. Just like other new migrants here, she's having difficulty finding a job that is commensurate to her qualifications, so she accepted a cleaning job even if it is physically demanding. She was actually a teacher in Thailand. She plans to enroll in child education and apply as a teacher later.

I felt somewhat uncomfortable telling Farrah that I am a student. When she asked me if I am working, the more I felt uneasy to say that my tuition fees and living expenses are being paid for by my scholarship, but I added that the it is not much so I also need to work part-time to save for trips back home (which is true). After exchanging numbers, she bid me goodbye as she has finished cleaning the kitchen and needed to move to the lounge area.

People like me who are able to come here as a student--and with a scholarship to support us--are really lucky. And that's one thing that I've been telling myself whenever I miss home or whenever I am unsure if I made the right decision of leaving home to embark on a new challenge. My encounter with Farrah this morning is God's reminder to me that I should count my blessings, and I hope other scholars here would realise it, too.

Blessings

I had a nice chat with one of my closest friends this morning. It's been a while since we last talked so I thought of calling her. During my despedida lunch last May, she was not able to make it due to health reasons. It was only my other close friend who was able to come. I consider them both as two of my best buddies. Our friendship can be traced as far back as college. We are actually block mates and over the years, we were able to keep the friendship. We have managed to keep in touch amid the changing of jobs, addresses and various events in our respective lives. Once in a while, we would meet up for lunch to catch up, which is always a joy. In a few months, I'd be home for Christmas and one of the things I really look forward to is seeing them again. True friends are hard to find and I'm really grateful to have found these two.

A glorious week

Been days since I last made a post. I visited the doctor last Monday and she said there's nothing to worry about. She performed a physical examination and did not find anything unusual. Thank God! Indeed, I panicked that weekend. Very thankful of the result but jus the same, I plan of getting a second opinion just to make sure.

Wednesday was truly an enjoyable time. My friends and I went sightseeing. Went to an island with a volcano. We had lots of fun on this walking trip...just laughing, chatting, singing, and eating along the way. Sharing bits and pieces of ourselves. Posing for a picture. Cracking jokes. It was a long walk, almost two hours to reach the peak. But it was worth it. From the peak, one can see the entire city. The walk back to the harbor was so much fun as well. We never ran out of stories to tell one another even when we're on the ferry back to the city. We capped our day with a late lunch--as usual, Chinese food!

Random thoughts

Watched a free music concert today at the School of Music. I always love listening to classical pieces. It's so uplifting. The students who performed today were really good. Some of them played the piano, others the violin. And all of them, except for one, are Asians.

The coordinator of the organisation who called me up yesterday regarding a possible volunteer assignment did not call back. But the good thing is, my supervisor offered me a job. It's a short-term one but at least, I'd be paid for it. And I did not apply, it's like it was given to me! And since the offer came from my supervisor, it becomes more precious. It gives me a lot of confidence which I really need these days. Indeed, we just have to wait and continue to hang on to our faith. God always knows the right time for each of us.

I know I should be happy because of this but I can't help but to feel worried. On Monday, I will see a doctor to consult her regarding some pain. I was scheduled to see her today but she got sick so the appointment was moved to Monday. I hope the pain means nothing. I am really worried.

Start of spring bliss...hopefully

It's almost 12 am and admittedly late to do some blogging, but I still have some energy to spare. Besides, I had nice day. I had a quick but good lunch with friends and I was able to chat with my eldest sister, too, who will be going back to Rome tomorrow. Yesterday, I also had a nice lunch with my Malaysian friend. I always love talking to her because she's honest and sincere. Then, at around 3 pm today, I received an unexpected call from the coordinator of an organisation where I applied for volunteer work. She said she has found a place for me. Things are not yet definite in terms of the assignment and schedule but hopefully, I will get a better picture tomorrow or in the coming days. Looks like spring has really come!

Hello sunshine

Such a glorious day today. The skies are bright and blue and there is no trace that there will be rain. As usual, the sound of machines drilling the road woke me up. For almost three months now, construction workers of the city government here are fixing the road--or to be more exact, they are trying to widen it. During the first weeks, that sound was irritating to my ears, but as I get used to it, it has become my alarm clock. Well, it's time to go, there's so much to do this week. I have a deadline with my supervisor on September 8th but I'd like to finish as early as possible so that there'll be time for review before I submit it. But before starting to work, breakfast first. I put two eggs in the thermos and I think they're cooked now.

Spring is coming

If there are two seasons that I like the most--they're spring and fall. I just realised today that spring is just around the corner. Leaving the church after the mass, I was astonished to see that at 6 pm, the sky was still bright. The temperature has also started to warm up a bit. Very soon, I will experience my first spring here. Each season has its own character. Spring connotes a new life. And life means hope.

My Sister's Loves

My sister and I had our weekly update chat last night via skype. We talked for almost two hours and she delighted me with many stories mainly about our family. My sister is a natural talker, and very gregarious too. One thing that really brings me joy whenever I talk to her is about her dogs. I was born into a family who loves pets, especially dogs. We would always have puppies in the house--one or two--and they would usually remain with us until they grow old and die. We treat them like members of the family. I remember we had a dog which my auntie named "Pilita", a famous singer in my country with Spanish blood. Funny how a dog can have that name. Well, obviously she can bark, yes, but sing, no! And then, I remember we also raised rabbits (which multiply fast), and ostrich. For more than five years now, my dad and aunt raise some chickens at the back of our family house in the province. We don't want them to (because it's additional work for them and we just want them to relax and enjoy a retiree's life), but they would always insist that it's their pastime. So, instead of running an argument with my dad (which would always happen when it comes to his chickens), we just let them do what they want.

Going back to my sister and her dogs, she has four actually, but she can't hide the fact that she dotes on two (the ones in the picture). One of them is Julian (or sometimes, Jualini), which I gave her as a birthday present a year ago. Simon is a Japanese spitz. And then, there's Jazmin or whom we fondly call Jazmini. Jazmin is a hybrid--a cross between a dachshund and a shih tzu--so she has a long body (from her dachshund mom) and a relatively furry coat (from her shih tzu dad). She is only eight months old and she came to us early this year as a present from my bestfriend. Soon, our house (the one where my sister lives) will be filled with Jazmini's litter as she's already dog-ticipating. Jualiani has just proven his virility. Last night, I told her that Jazmini might have a difficult time giving birth since a dachshund normally has no fewer than 5 puppies and given that his mate (Juliani) is bigger in size that her, then chances are Jazmini's puppies would be larger than the normal (dachshund). Well, my sister is prepared to spend for a C-section for Jazmini, just so her precious dog will not suffer too much!

The other two dogs are Bianca (a fat snobbish spitz-mongrel hybrid who loves to eat) and grandma Chinney (we call her grandma as she's the oldest of the pack. She's actually Bianca's mom, and part of the litter of Jap, my sister's original dog who died two years ago. Jap lived for almost 15 years and was the epitome of a loyal companion dog). These four are my sister's loves.

Facing Realities

I always admire the strength of character of migrants because it will always be difficult to start a life in a new environment, especially if issues such as race and ethnicity are still deeply embedded in society. For more than a month now, I am auditing a class that discusses the hardships being faced byAsian immigrants--particularly Chinese--in New Zealand, particularly the early settlers of the 18th and 19th centuries. Oh what a hard time they had back then! The Chinese were indeed the most discriminated and maligned race in this country. They were the only ethnic race whose people were required to pay the so-called "poll tax" in order to gain entry into the territory. But through hard work and perseverance--which most scholars interpret as their way of showing this racist society that they could also excel and rise above the social and economic ladder--they were able to overcome those difficult periods and through the years, the Chinese ethnic community has grown to be one of the most successful groups in New Zealand. Despite this, however, discrimination still exists. In a silent way. But one could still feel it. Yes, there has been a lot of improvement as many would say, but the different ethnic communities are in agreement that discrimination is still alive. Many migrants, old and new, tell stories of how they would have difficulty finding a job because they are not native English speakers or they were not educated here. New Zealand is one country where labour policies are quite restrictive. They give premium to local experience. And you are also lucky if you are of Anglo-Western origin or if you come from the developed regions of this world. But if you're from a developing country, even if you have already been practicing your profession as a doctor or a nurse in your home country or overseas for some time, when you come here you have to take some sort of a 'bridging program' and pass it to be able to practice.

Since I arrived here in May, I have applied to more than 20 employers for part-time work (as I am allowed to do so up to 20 hours per week) and up to now, not a single one has offered me a chance. In two instances, I reached the interview level, but beyond that, I still have no luck. Even my supervisor who promised that she will involve me in one of her projects or recommend me to her associate no longer mentioned the offer when we last met. I must admit that many time, I would feel discouraged. Back home, finding work has never been a problem for me. Besides having a stable job, I have occasional--but well-paying--on-the-side assignments from reputable organisations. Here, I can't even find a part-time job--even as a receptionist!

He is near

Last Sunday, I deviated from my normal routine of hearing mass at St. Patrick's Cathedral and went instead to St. Benedict's. It did not occur to me that going there would entail a long walk--as in more than one kilometer. It took me more than 30 minutes to reach the church and since I did not anticipate the long distance, the priest was already reading the gospel when I arrived.

What made this first mass in St. Benedict's memorable for me is the song that was played during the communion. I heard it first in St. Patrick's and I heard it again in that first mass that I attended at St. Benedict's. The song is called "You are Near" and I put the lyrics below. (Click on the link to hear the song.)

I found the song and the words inspiring that I left St. Benedict's that Sunday morning full of optimism and joy for I know that there is a God who would always take care of me.

Next week, I'd be turning three months here. A lot has happened within those months. I had the opportunity of traveling to the South Island and Wellington, and to some suburban areas of Auckland. I already have some friends here and I have adjusted more or less to the life in Down Under. But many times, I would feel lonely and miss home especially my family and friends. I miss the company of people who know me, and who love and accept me unconditionally despite my flaws. I miss the kind of friendship that I have with those back home.

I am humming this song as I write this. And it gives me a great amount of solace knowing that He is near to guide me in this journey and to keep me company.

* You Are Near
Music and Lyric by Dan Schutte S.J.

Yahweh I know You are near
Standing always by my side
You guard me from the foe
And you lead me in ways everlasting

1. Lord you have searched my heart
And You know when I sit and when I stand
Your hand is upon me
Protecting me from death
Keeping me from harm
2. Where can I run from Your love
It I climb to the heavens You are there
If I fly to the sunrise
Or sail beyond the sea
You would still be there
3. You know my heart and its ways
You who formed me before I was born
In the secret of darkness
Before I saw the sun
In my mother’s womb
4. Marvelous to me are Your works
How profound are Your thoughts my Lord
Even if I could count them
They number as the stars
You would still be there

This Country of Migrants

It's Saturday and so I decided to give myself a break from all the reading and searching that I've been so religiously doing for four five whole days. Each day, I could feel the tension brewing inside me. I have a personal deadline to my supervisors to turn in the first section of my proposal by the first of July and over the past two weeks, I've been struggling with the matter of my research focus, trying to figure out what really it should be. I had an initial topic in my mind which I wrote my supervisors and then as I read new interesting stuff, I felt the itch of going to other directions--not unrelated but a broader one. Then, towards the end of the week, it dawned upon me that I'm slowing losing my focus so I returned to the original one hoping that it would become clearer in the coming days.

Anyway, as I was saying a while ago, today was some sort of a self-imposed holiday for me. I did not read any stuff related to my research and instead, picked out a romantic novel when I was a library and spent my time there reading it. By the time the library was about to close (at 4 pm), I had finished three-fourths of the book and eager to get home to know the ending.

Observing the people of various nationalities who were in and out of the library cemented my initial impression on New Zealand being a country of migrants. Back there in the library, it was the picture of a multicultural environment. Well, apart from the locals (Kiwis), there were Asians, Americans, British, Europeans, Africans, and Middle Eastern people. And you see more of them arriving into New Zealand as they come to the library to apply for membership. I was seated close to the membership section and so I could hear each new applicant presenting his/her passport to apply for a library card.

Even in the university, one would easily see the diversity of cultures, but of course, the Chinese is hard to beat when it comes to numbers! I think they have the biggest foreign population in the university and perhaps, the whole of New Zealand. Many young people come to New Zealand to study--not on scholarship, I tell you--but out of their own pockets. Why NZ? Well, it's cheaper to get an education here rather than go to the United States. There are many Chinese, too, who come here to work or to open a business. Oh yes, the Chinese indeed have lots of money!

Tomorrow is Sunday, and then, it will be Monday again. It will be a busy week for me what with three sessions that I have to attend and then the meeting with my supervisor in the middle of the week. At least, I'm occupied. It's better this way so I won't miss home too much. By next week, I'd turn one month here in NZ--in this country of migrants!

Homesick Mode

Yesterday, late afternoon, as I was walking towards my apartment in Anzac Avenue, a sudden attack of homesickness cum depression bit me. When I entered my room, I felt like crying and once I was in front of the computer talking to my bestfriend, my tears began to fall and I was crying my heart out. My friend did her best to amuse me of stories back home, on updates regarding "telenovelas" I no longer been able to watch and of the never-ending increase in the price of oil and commodities in my country and how lucky I am not be there at these desperate times. Am really lucky to have a bestfriend. An hour later, my sister and I talked via Skype and I related to her how I was doing in Auckland. We talked for almost an hour and that conversation helped a lot.

It's morning here once again. I hurriedly took my breakfast (tea and a muffin) and went out to find the Arts Graduat Lab. It's my first time to try out the access card. I got lost in the beginning but immediately found my way into it. Now, I know another place to go if I want some quiet space and access to the computers. It's great to be in the Main Library but there you have to be lucky to find a vacant computer. Nevertheless, it has all the resources that I need so it's still a necessity to be there to get my books.

So, I say to myself for today, "Good luck and enjoy it!"

It's the middle of the morning once again

My computer clock displayed 10:25 am.

It's the middle of the morning on this bright sunny day here in Auckland and I decided to spend the morning here in my apartment in front of my laptop and begin my blog.

I call it "My Life from Down Under". It's basically self explanatory so I think I don't have to explain what it will contain.

Living in a foreign land could indeed be an alienating experience--that I have discovered long ago when I first lived far from home, in Japan that is. But thanks to modern technology, one can now easily keep in touch with family and friends. And with blogs, you can share your thoughts and experiences with them and even with people you barely know. It's like tagging them along in your journey.

So, come with me as I thread along life's path in Down Under.